


I'm Confused (I Love You)

by delicateclarity



Category: Glee
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-21
Updated: 2013-08-23
Packaged: 2017-12-24 00:54:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/933196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/delicateclarity/pseuds/delicateclarity
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After kissing during spin the bottle, Santana and Rachel deal with feelings neither of them saw coming. Takes place in season 3.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to my beta [Courtney.](http://theholmesofbakerstreet.tumblr.com) Reblog on my blog [here.](http://elberethgithoniel.tumblr.com/post/58843025457/ficlet-im-confused-i-love-you)

It was just a dumb game.

At least, that’s what she keeps telling herself.

Santana had spun  _Berry_  during spin the bottle, and, well - who was she to be the one to pussy out?

The problem was - she can’t stop thinking about it. Every time she closes her eyes, she sees Berry’s blush, sees her eyes close as she leans forward and -

 _Shit_. She’s doing it again.

She shakes her head, trying to focus on Rachel’s solo. _Another ballad, ugh._ She turns to look at Brittany, who’s jamming out, of course. She smiles at Brittany a little, and tries to erase all thought of that (hot) disgusting kiss with Berry from her mind.

-

So, Brittany notices. She fails at that memory wipe thing, and it has actually gotten worse after that - she catches herself staring at Rachel’s lips, or trying to look at her boobs (impossible in most of her vomit-worthy outfits), or her legs in skirts just a little too short.

She’s so fucked. Anyway, Brittany notices. She isn’t upset, weirdly. “Do you wanna have her with us like Puck used to be?” she asks, to which Santana has to answer,

“No, no, god! That’s gross, and Rachel’s straight, Brit. She’s... not interested.”

“Really?” Brittany asks. “Cause I saw her watching you like you were watching her. It would be okay with me.”

And Santana has to smile at that, before saying, “That’s sweet, but - it’s not going to happen.”

-

Of course, next thing she knows she and Rachel are singing some duet and Rachel’s wearing this  _dress_ , holy shit, and she can’t be blamed for what she does after - she wasn’t really the one to -

Anyway, the second they’re alone, they’re kissing, deep and hot and wet and Santana’s hand is sliding down that dress and she’s listening to Rachel moan, and - Rachel is breaking away.

Rachel takes a step back and Santana can’t take her eyes off of her. Rachel is panting a little, flushed, and Santana feels her heart skip a beat when Rachel licks her lips. “I’m - I’m sorry, Santana. I’m straight.”

“Right,” Santana says stupidly, still in shock. “And I’m dating Brittany, so... this - didn’t happen?”

Rachel is clumsily trying to fix her bangs, hand a little shaky. “Yes, definitely. A lapse in judgement. it won’t ever happen again.”

-

So they don’t talk about it, despite the fact that Santana  _can’t stop thinking about it._  Can’t stop thinking about Rachel, and that was a problem she thought she’d rather die than have, once upon a time.

Brittany breaks up with her. And neither of them are as sad as they should be, she thinks. Brittany says they’re not really prince and princess, like they thought. They’re more like, two princesses who are best friends and love each other a lot and share sweet ladykisses sometimes. It makes Santana feel better, at least, especially when Brittany whispers, “By the way, Rachel is totally into you,” into Santana’s ear before she skips away down the hallway.

-

Rachel approaches Santana about doing another duet, invites her over to her (empty!) house.

They break eventually, sitting on Rachel’s couch in the basement, and it’s awkward. “I was sorry to hear about you and Brittany breaking up,” Rachel says after a tense minute or so of silence.

Santana shrugs.

“How are you doing? If you need help preparing a number to explain how you’re feeling to the glee club, I’d be glad to help -” Rachel says, and if she was going to keep talking, she stops when Santana is suddenly cackling, laughing and clapping her hands a little.

“You know,” she says a minute later, out of breath and still feeling giggly, but faced with Rachel’s hurt expression, “the fact that I’m laughing instead of yelling at you shows how much i’ve come to like you, Berry.” She resists the urge to find something sharp and stab herself with it.

Rachel’s voice is high when she just says, “Oh?” in response.

“Don’t act so surprised,” Santana says, rolling her eyes a little.

Rachel looks at her, confused. “I thought you hated me. I know you did, for awhile,” she says quietly.

Santana almost winces. “You’re right. And... I’m sorry, for how I treated you. But I’ve changed. I’m still a bitch, but I guess I’ve developed a tolerance for divas, Also, I’m gay, so,” she adds as an afterthought.

Rachel smiles shyly. “I’m glad we’re going to graduate being - friends.”

Santana nods once, shows she would allow this title.

“So, as friends,” Rachel says, hesitating and cautious now. “...how did you know you were gay?”

Santana raises her eyebrows, almost answers snarkily before a surprisingly sincere answer came out of her mouth.

“I mean, I’ve always liked girls, it was just like, suddenly I knew how I felt about Brittany? And then I learned more about myself and it was like, okay. I love girls.”

Rachel nods, biting her lip.

“Why do you ask?” Santana asks, despite a large part of her telling her not to. She’s always hated that part of herself.  _Status quo!_  It’s always shouting.

She’s not expecting the, “I think I like you,” that comes tumbling out of Rachel’s mouth.

“Like... like like me?” she asks, like they’re in fucking second grade or something.

Rachel just nods miserably, looking like she’s ready for Santana to punch her.

“Well, that’s good then,” Santana swallows. “Because I like you too.”

Rachel’s eyes are wide and disbelieving. “Like, like like me?” she asks back, and Santana nods, quietly answers, “Like like.”

They stare at each other before Santana nervously says, “So - back to the duet?”

Rachel gets a grin on her face like Santana’s never seen before, and then she says, “Oh, we’re gonna duet.”

And maybe Santana can deal with music puns, as long as they’re from a girl she loves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Considering doing a part two from Rachel's POV. Would anyone be interested in that? ETA: Added! :)


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I said I might continue, and I did. It's the same story, except this time it's from Rachel's point of view. If you're just coming here, this story will make a bunch more sense if you read the first chapter first.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Read/reblog on my blog [here.](http://sunshineblaine.tumblr.com/post/59150224042/part-2-of-im-confused-i-love-you)

Rachel Berry is not a lesbian. She had explored that part of herself upon reaching puberty, and had come to the conclusion, by age 13, that she liked boys.

Her plan to marry Finn gets sidetracked when Quinn gets in the car accident. They talk after that, and to everyone’s surprise, end up breaking up. Rachel thinks that this time, it’ll be for good.

Anyway, she’s been mostly certain, up to this point, that she isn’t interested in girls.

And then spin the bottle happens, and everything kind of tilts on its axis.

She deals with it the way she knows: with music.

The other glee members probably think her ballad is for Finn, but this time, it isn’t. It’s for Santana, who - looks distracted.

After that Rachel thinks a lot, and talks to her dads a little bit, and has some doubts. She’s loved boys in the past, is she really interested in Santana? She has a girlfriend, first of all, and second of all Rachel is still pretty sure Santana only tolerates her.

If she had been drunk at the party, she would play this all off like Blaine did the year before, except that she had been completely sober.

She ends up figuring out what she’ll do during Whitney week. She asks Santana to duet with her, and Santana accepts.

It doesn’t end the way she expects (Santana’s mouth on hers again and hand reaching for her ass, and does she really say she’s straight? She’s pretty sure she’s isn’t, especially after that, but she needs an excuse.)

At least she knows Santana is interested, now.

Brittany comes up to her a few days later and opens with, “Do you care about Santana?” Rachel swears her heart almost beats out of her chest.

She stutters out a reply, but the answer is yes and Rachel wonders just how much Brittany knows. She doesn’t remember a lot of the conversation, after, but she does remember Brittany saying, “Santana likes both of us, but I’m pretty sure she’s starting to like you more. But that’s okay.”

Santana and Brittany break up a few days after that, and Rachel wonders how big a part she played in that. She’s not sure whether to believe Brittany that Santana likes her - Rachel knows she’s _attracted_ to Rachel, but there’s a difference.

So, she asks Santana if she wants to do another duet. Except this time, she invites Santana over to her house, and her dads are not home.

When Santana laughs at her proposal to express Santana’s feelings in song, she cringes and feels like she’s made a huge mistake. She feels more hurt than she expects, considering how many worse things Santana has done and said to her.

But then Santana explains that she likes her, like, as a person, and everything comes spilling out of Rachel.

Santana is so earnest in a way she usually isn’t, like she actually wants to help Rachel, and Rachel has to tell her. So, she spills her heart in the most elementary school fashion (“like like?” she says to herself when she’s laying in bed that night) and when Santana says she liked her too, it’s kind of hard to breathe. But, it fills her with a warmth even a year ago she wouldn’t have believed.

And Santana is so awkward, so cute, that Rachel can’t help herself.

Pouncing on Santana Lopez (her _girlfriend_ ) may not have been in her plans for her senior year, but when Santana breaks away to giggle, “Should we take a _rest_?” (an even worse pun, Rachel can hardly believe it) she thinks that maybe love’s _job_ is to change all of your plans.

**Author's Note:**

> Considering doing a part two from Rachel's POV. Would anyone be interested in that?


End file.
